Self-love and self-obsession have been explored in literature and mythology for a very long time. It is especially relevant in today's capitalist culture, which equates visibility with value. Emphasising that being rich, attractive, and having an enormous Instagram following is happiness.
Oscar Wilde, known for his wit and irony, in his novel ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey', wrote about Dorian, who was so entranced by his own beauty that it slowly consumed him to death. His appreciation turned into dependence, deteriorating his life. His tragic end is not a result of vanity but of disconnection from reality.
Dorain's tragic end mirrors the fate of Narcissus from Greek mythology. Narcissus, entranced by his reflection, was unable to look away to form any deeper connections beyond himself. His self-absorption did not leave any room for growth, empathy or forming any genuine connection. The term ‘narcissism’ was derived from Narcissus.
The two tales offer a framework to understand narcissism, which is not merely taking pride in one's appearance or success but is a pattern of reliance on external validation and a fragile sense of self. In both tales, the pursuit of self-idealisation leads to emptiness rather than any fulfilment. Self-love, when it crosses into self-obsession, begins to consume the very being.
Narcissism is viewed as a dark or negative trait, and these individuals tend to engage in high-risk behaviour, have an unrealistic, superior view of self, and have little shame and guilt. This makes it part of the ‘dark triad’ of personality, which also includes Machiavellianism and psychopathy. These three share several features. To some extent, all three share socially malicious characteristics, including behavioural tendencies such as self-glorification, apathy, deception, and anger.
According to DSM-5-TR, narcissistic personality disorder can be categorised into two types: grandiose and vulnerable. Grandiose narcissism is characterised by attention-seeking, entitlement, and arrogance. These individuals tend to be socially charming despite being oblivious to others' needs, exploitative, and envious. In contrast, vulnerable narcissism is characterised by hypersensitivity to others, introversion, and avoidance.
Vulnerable narcissism often goes undiagnosed because it is internalised. Individuals with this subtype might appear introverted and reserved but struggle internally with low self-esteem, hypersensitivity to criticism and a reliance on how others perceive them. They might avoid social situations due to anxiety, but simultaneously crave validation from others; they fear rejection and abandonment. In relationships, this might show up as dependency. jealousy or passive-aggressiveness, accompanied by a sense of victimhood or feeling of being treated unfairly. Some research also links this subtype of narcissism to higher social media use, possibly as a way to manage self-image and anxiety. The exact cause of vulnerable narcissism is still unclear in the literature. However, a mix of genetic factors and early life experiences – especially childhood – may play a role in shaping these patterns.
The contrasting expressions of narcissism highlight a common underlying thread – a fragile sense of self-worth. Whether self-worth is expressed through overt grandiosity or covert insecurity, this reliance extends to the goals they prioritise and the ways they seek meaning in life.
Moreover, people with greater narcissistic tendencies tend to derive more meaning from extrinsic pursuits. They perceive these goals as meaningful pursuits. Since narcissists pursue activities that enhance their social status and affirmation of their sense of superiority, however, in the long term, these pursuits might lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction. For example, they would persist in activities for self-superiority rather than self-mastery.
Life goals can be distinguished into two based on the self-determination theory:
intrinsic goals, which focus on self-growth, social relations, and being involved with community work. Extrinsic goals focus on the accumulation of wealth, enhancing social status, etc.
It is believed and concluded through various studies that intrinsic goals lead to greater well-being among individuals. And people who consider extrinsic life goals tend to be more reckless; they engage in maladaptive behaviour and are likely to experience depression.
Though we should consider the number of individual differences, as they are prevalent and important. But it is even so considered that narcissistic individuals will pursue extrinsic goals. Narcissistic individuals invest heavily in their lifestyle; hence, they invest in materialistic goods to improve or keep up their appearances. Even while facing financial constraints, individuals may continue to participate in lavish activities to preserve perceived status. Abeyta and colleagues (2017) explained why narcissistic individuals pursue extrinsic goals: "A possibility that they do so is because they find extrinsic goals meaningful, but these pursuits will lead them to be unhappy ultimately and less satisfied with their lives, placing them at a risk for psychopathology.”
A study was conducted on 576 participants who were measured on various psychometric scales related to narcissism, well-being, meaning and importance in life, and depression. The study aimed to find whether people with higher narcissism may benefit from pursuing external goals. The hypothesis was confirmed that individuals with higher narcissism find extrinsic goals meaningful. Unlike previous literature, this study also used well-being as a variable. It was seen that the pursuit of extrinsic goals was linked to lower well-being and higher distress. Thereby, if individuals with narcissistic tendencies perceive extrinsic goals as meaningful, then these goals would be positively correlated with eudaimonic well-being. Well-being refers to the ideal psychological functioning and experiences in life. The previous literature mentions two distinct philosophies: hedonism and eudaimonism.
Hedonistic well-being focuses on one's desires of both mind and body. In contrast, eudaimonic well-being refers to not just feeling good but functioning well, i.e., living in alignment with one's values, achieving personal growth and realising true potential. The extrinsic goals may enhance hedonic happiness; they might not necessarily fulfil psychological needs like autonomy and competence. Something meaningful in the short term might lose its relevance in the long term as it does not translate into genuine fulfilment, highlighting a critical gap between perceived and actual well-being.
Understanding these findings on the basis of self-determination theory, extrinsic goals are associated with negative outcomes because they cause a distraction from pursuing intrinsic goals. Individuals with higher narcissistic tendencies invested more in extrinsic goals. Thereby, not satisfying their basic psychological needs.
Narcissistic individuals might start neglecting their family and close relationships in pursuit of the accumulation of wealth and miss the need for relatedness. Narcissistic individuals might even have a huge social circle, but they often choose these individuals on the basis of their status, which in turn helps them to elevate their own social standing. None of this is done to pursue the intrinsic goals.
The higher narcissistic tendencies exhibit behaviour status, which usually compromises goal progress and overall well-being. A narcissistic individual may exhibit and display grandiose behaviour, which might evoke negative reactions among some individuals, which may make it difficult for the narcissistic individual to achieve their goal of being an elite.
The study also addressed the Aspirations Index, and it was found that ‘image’ was positively correlated with narcissistic tendencies and highly correlated with extrinsic goals. As discussed above, keeping up appearances is a must for a narcissistic individual. However, there is also a limitation to the study. Here, NPI-16 was used, which is a measurement of narcissistic tendencies. The measure is more focused on grandiose narcissism. The vulnerable narcissism is not taken into consideration. It might be possible that the vulnerable narcissism exhibits an entirely different pattern, as these individuals score more on neuroticism and are likely to exhibit anxiety and depression.
Narcissism is not just excessive self-love but reflects a deeper struggle to know where the true self lies. When the worth is outsourced to admiration, status or even appearance, the individuals might constantly try to prove themselves. The paradox is striking: the more one tries to chase visibility and validation, the further one may drift away from one's sense of identity. What appears as confidence might just be dependence on the outside world to feel real.
Perhaps a question to ponder on then is not whether the narcissistic individuals pursue the wrong goals but whether the capitalist culture amplifies the pattern, rewarding performance over presence and status over authenticity. Then the discussion on narcissism would not just include the individuals but also the values we collectively choose to uphold.
Devanshi Singh
